Set the Setting: December 2023

Meme Drop, Set the Setting Guest Playlist: Kaskade, My 2024 Goals, Photo Drop

Meme Drop

Thirteen years ago, I told my grandpa that I was joining a startup called Facebook. (“Huh? Face, what!?”). Eventually, Grandpa got on Facebook himself, but around his 100th bday he reported that it wasn’t that fun for him because all his friends were dead. By the time he was 102 and we were on a family cruise to Alaska, I had transitioned to the burgeoning diversity and inclusion field. Try explaining that to a centenarian! More confusion ensued. This year, I was wondering how I would explain my latest career pivot during his 109th bday celebration. I was sort of looking forward to the challenge, honestly! Would he “get” it? Would he be proud?

Unfortunately, Grandpa didn’t recognize me - or any of his grandkids for that matter. It was a tough moment. I wish Mom had prepared me. The silver lining was that my nuclear family, aunts, uncles, and cousins were all there for collective processing and quality bonding time.

It’s not like I expected Grandpa to try mushrooms, or even understand what I did! So why was I sad, exactly? I realized that I’m just really proud of the person that I’ve become and I wanted him to see that. I wanted to tell him I was gay. I wanted him to see me just… as me.

Guest Playlist: Kaskade Christmas Vol 2

Enjoy the Kaskade vibes this holiday season! As I wrap up the year, I’ve been reflecting on how much joy it’s brought me to build my Set the Setting Playlists! Next year, I’ll be updating some of my popular playlists; Empowerment, Focus, Empathy and Breakthrough will definitely get refreshes. These 4 were in heavy rotation for me this year and I think I’ll need these themes in 2024, as well.

I’m also working on three new ones: Jock Jams (for working out), Summer Jams (for poolside moments), and a “No Fucks Given” playlist (for getting buck wild!).

My 2024 Goals

For the past five New Years’, I have been using a manifestation technique where I write a letter to myself from 12 months into the future. So this month, I’m writing a letter to myself from the end of 2024 that lists my goals for year and congratulates me on how I met them, what I gained and how I feel!

An aspect of this “from the future” technique that works for me is that I write down the goals as though I already achieved them. It’s not a hypothetical “here’s what I want to do,” it’s written as a definitive “congrats on what you actually did.” Call it a silly jedi mind trick, but it works for me! By putting a lot of energy, intention and clarity into what I want to achieve, I manage to accomplish 80-100% of what I write down! Of course, there are setbacks and unexpected challenges, but I know to handle those:

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2024 is all about: Balance!

My friend Danny sends me book recommendations and follows it up with an excited phone call about how I just have to read this book! Most of the time… I don’t order the book (but I still you, Danny!). But thankfully I did take Danny’s advice as he was explaining his discovery of Internal Family Systems because I noticed parallels to how Yannick (my life coach) and I had been working on identifying two competing “parts.” He named them Steven 1 and Steven 2 for simplicity sake (even though individuals have more than just 2 parts). The IFS framework has been really enlightening. I’m happy to talk to anybody about what I learned from doing IFS therapy.

All this to say, I’m approaching 2024 with an intention to find more balance between these “parts” of myself, bringing greater awareness to which parts are in the driver seat and what my “core” self desires.

Balance Priority #1: Bauer

Bauer’s only flaw is that he loves me too much, aka his crippling separation anxiety. How bad, you ask? One time he walked into a room and the door shut behind him, so he just ate the door.

Bauer’s anxiety gives me anxiety about leaving him. Consequently, my anxiety feeds into his anxiety. I’m fairly certain that at this point, it is actually my anxiety that is holding him back from being a normal dog.

The reason this is my #1 Balance Priority is because I often decline event invites so I can stay home with Bauer! With COVID restrictions in the rear view mirror, it’s time to get Bauer fully crate-trained so I can have more balance in my social life. He used to get so anxious from car rides that he puked, but he got over it with repeated exposure. That’ll be my tactic in 2024; making sure he gets some solo time in his crate every day, lowering my own anxiety levels, and breaking the anxiety cycle. Achieving Bauer Balance will require discipline and bravery on all sides - but it’s my #1 priority. Hold me accountable, readers!

Balance Priority #2: Money

My connection with money is complex, however, this complexity is common among children of Asian immigrants. Our parents express love through money and at times, it feels as though they love money more than us.

The New Years greeting in Mandarin is “Gong xi fa cai” which translates to “wishing you to be prosperous in the coming year.” So yeah, every Lunar New Year, we hand out red packets of money with cheer and say “hope you get rich!”

Moving to America as immigrants, money is both safety and pride. But it starts to get twisted when that immigrant mentality meets American super-charged capitalism. My relationship with money is way out of balance and best explained in a series of Rihanna gifs:

As a young adult, I faced pressure from my parents (and society writ large) to make money; leading me to pursue a degree in business and a career in actuarial science. I also graduated in the 2009 recession, so the prevailing attitude was “You betta make some money or you’re gonna move back in with your parents… forever!”

So I work work work work work-ed at the highest paying jobs I could find. Making money was empowering, validating, and becomes a part of my identity. My bank account is a reflection of my self-worth. If I can make more money, my parents will love me more. I shouldn’t pursue the career that brings me purpose or meaning, because I should optimize for money.

Then, the spending got out of control. I liked to spend money like I had something to prove; I deserve to drive a cool car, I earned these fancy clothes. And to afford these things, I have to work harder and sacrifice more.

Through psychedelic-assisted exploration, I have been able to explicitly name these patterns to begin untangling how my two of my dominant “parts” interacted with money: Steven 1 gets pleasure from “winning” and making money; Steven 2 gets pleasure from spending it as a “reward.” These two parts fight against each other and my core self is always dissatisfied.

2024 will be a year where I seek more balance to disrupt this unhealthy cycle. I’ll do that by living a neither-frugal-nor-extravagant lifestyle and recording all my purchases. I’m going to use my debit card for most of my spending. By the end of the year, I’ll know how much I need spend in a year for a modest lifestyle and how much I need to make to sustain myself.

Fun fact: I signed up for a psilocybin journey at Ceremonia in February where re-patterning this relationship will be my core intention.

Balance Priority #3: Health/Fitness

Health and fitness are always a goal, but typically, my goals have been around measurable strength and how I look (although how I look is mostly about how I feel that I look).

In 2024, I’m not logging any goals around weight training or miles run because I’m noticing how it takes me longer to recover from workouts and how pushing myself too hard can lead to injury. If I want to focus on balance, I think I’m going to take it literally - balance. More yoga, more tennis, less weight lifting. I only played tennis a few times this year. I plan to cook at home; a healthier habit that also saves money.

The balance goal for this category is to aim for a daily practice: at least 1 healthy meal and 1 body movement (working out, tennis, running, stretching, long Bauer walk, etc).

Balance Maintenance: Work

I have to celebrate myself because in 2023, I achieved work life balance. I’ve felt the most balance between “work” and “life” than I ever have before. It will be a busy year at work - we have a lot on our plate and I will be sharing updates in 2024 blog posts. My work/career goal in 2024 is to maintain this balance.

Balance Maintenance: Romantic Love & Partnerships

I had set a 2023 goal to find romantic love and a partner. I was sure that 2023 would be the year that I met a great guy; that would become my boyfriend, maybe even my husband (down the road).

Nope! Didn’t happen, and not for trying! I put so much energy into dating; it was a constant theme in my coaching and therapy sessions. As the year is wrapping up and I’m reflecting on where I’m at - I’m not going to be setting a love goal for 2024, other than to keep doing what I’m doing.

I learned to enjoy dating. Obviously there are hard parts, disappointing moments, and challenges. But when you accept that it’s part of the process. I accept that every experience of “it didn’t work out” can also be a learning moment, or simply, “I met a great person.”

If you, at any point throughout the year, encouraged me, listened to me, supported me, gave me tough love — I just want to say:

Photo Drop

Clockwise from top left:

• Addison is… THE TRANSPORTER. Taking precious cargo to his family’s Thanksgiving so I could spend time with my family

• The centerpiece of our Indonesian feast

• Fit Fam Forever @ Barry’s Houston

• My nephew meeting my Grandpa, aka “GiGiPa”