Set the Setting: February 2025

Meme drop, Set the Setting Guest Playlist: S M Rrrrrr, Does polyamory work?, DEI isn't newsworthy, Rooting for the TikTok ban, Photo drop

Meme Drop

This meme is an inside joke at MAPS — our website went down one day and as the Director of People, Finance, and IT, it was my job to fix it. Honestly that’s a joke in itself because I’m not tech savvy at all. It turns out that our AWS bill’s auto-pay had malfunctioned! Once that was resolved, our website came back online. You know, it’s also my job to make sure all of our bills are paid on time… I’m trying my best, y’all!

Also is it just me or has Jeff Bezos been extra Voldemort-y lately?

Set the Setting Guest Playlist: S M Rrrrrr

Shout out to Aubrey for this month’s Set the Setting playlist: S M Rrrrrr! (Which stands for Self Myofascial Release). Aubs has building this playlist over 5 years which explains why it’s 111 songs and nearly 8 hours of vibes. I would describe this playlist as “off the beaten path, uplifting, deep/progressive house and mellow pop” that will have you bopping your head, shimmy-ing while shimmering. Like you’re on a private jet and you’re taking off while the sun is setting behind you and you’re on an adventure to a place you’ve never been.

So yeah, break our your foam roller and theragun and Rrrrrrrrrrrr stretch yourself out!

Eight hours of myofascial release was exactly what the doctor ordered after 3, very, very full days of tennis in Las Vegas. I made it to the Round of 16 in singles (woo!) and Lex carried us into the semi-finals of the doubles bracket! Literally all of our matches came down to a 3rd set super tie-break, and luckily — we practiced a lot of tie-breaks over the past few weeks to simulate the type of pressure we knew we’d encounter at Sin City Classic. While our luck eventually ran out in the semi-finals, I was proud of how we found our groove and fought through tough matches. It was exhilarating to be back on the court! Tennis has always been such a constant source of joy in my life.

Does polyamory work?

As an HR & DEI leader, I have been an advocate for creating legal protections for diverse family and relationship structures. Employees shouldn’t have to worry about being judged if they’re polyamorous, and they certainly shouldn’t face any discrimination. That’s why a few organizations, like JP Morgan, Dell, and Airbnb have codified protections for diverse family and relationship structures in their employee handbooks. Legislation has already been passed in a few cities (e.g. Oakland, Berkeley) that prevent discrimination based on family and relationship structure in housing, businesses and civil services. Check out the Modern Family Institute if you’re interested in learning more or supporting these initiatives.

So does polyamory work? Yes, it does. But the real question on my mind these days is “does polyamory work for me?” Does it work for me right now? Will it work for me as I grow and evolve? Does it need to work in the future, or is it good enough for now? Am I actually practicing polyamory or am I just in a ho phase? Hmmm… 🤔

I’ve been listening to podcasts on polyamory which have helped me realize how much there is to learn about the practice, and about myself! One shift I’ve made is from only orienting on the hard parts (e.g. how will I manage all of these challenging emotions?) to imagining the good parts (e.g. how might it feel if I let all of these people love me?).

Whether this is my new reality or just a phase, I can already see how I’m strengthening my communication skills and dissolving past feelings of scarcity around love. So, here’s to imagining a life where I love myself deeply enough to accept all of this love from multiple partners (…who are all probably reading this.)

DEI isn’t newsworthy

It’s so wild to see DEI in the headlines the past month. Like, front page headlines?! The plane crash in DC a few days ago was blamed on DEI. As were the LA fires because the LA Fire Chief dared to be a lesbian. The bridge that collapsed in Maryland - DEI did that - because the commissioner of the port was a Black woman. Boeing 737 door popping off… also DEI’s fault, according to Elon Musk.

I’m trying to take these critiques seriously because there is a real impact to people that work in DEI - like me - and our careers, and the work to create more fairness and belonging. But… I also can’t help but laugh at all of this too! I’m sorry, but no, DEI isn’t a shadowy cabal that is trying to give jobs to unqualified people and create an underclass of straight White men. Lol am I actually typing this right now?!

DEI isn’t newsworthy. Take it from me, as someone who’s been doing this professionally, day in and day out, for 8 years.

The standard Diversity playbook involves posting your jobs in a wide range of places (increasing the number of qualified applicants) and implementing a structured recruiting process (that minimizes bias so the best one gets picked). In other words - a process that finds the best talent for the job. This is known by another name: meritocracy. So it’s hilarious to me that some people are demanding a “meritocracy” because this is what what I’ve been doing… this whole time. That’s why Bain, BCG, McKinsey, etc each have multiple case studies showing why diversity is good for business. We all agree then? Cool.

Equity work is boring as hell. Think of auditing salary bands and performance reviews (easily people’s least favorite HR process). It’s mundane and fairly procedural work to make sure people are evaluated and paid fairly. This type of work does not belong in the news; it belongs at the HR conference at the b-rate hotel with the carpets with the ugly patterns. Everybody has had a boss that got promoted because they were friends with an executive — instead of the qualified person who runs circles around everybody else. It ruins morale and if there’s blatant unfairness - can be grounds for a lawsuit.

Inclusion work is about making sure everybody can contribute their ideas and feels respected. This sounds easy but can get complicated because employees are human and humans are complex. Like, when you have Zionists and Palestinians working on the same team. In these tricky scenarios, you can call me and I’ll show you why DEI consultants are helpful. (Just to be clear, I will send you an invoice because I don’t work for free). Even with my most challenging clients… there’s nothing newsworthy.

In the past few years, DEI did go too far for my taste. The Academy Awards implemented DEI requirements to win “Best Picture” that are so easily gamed, even Oppenheimer won (an all White case about powerful men from elite institutions during a time when our military was segregated lol). There was a push in the scientific community for “citation diversity” in research papers, that you should cite research from people of different races — not a strong idea, imo.

But the beauty of DEI is that it’s not a bible; it’s a collection of ideas from activists, business leaders, policy makers, etc. Don’t feel obligated to support all of the ideas wrapped up in DEI. You have my permission to try some of them out, kick the tires. You can change your mind as your lens of the world expands; I certainly do.

It’s a bummer to see DEI professionals lose their jobs. We do this work - when we could be doing other things - because we imagine a world with more fairness and opportunity, less trauma and fewer billionaires. Don’t hate on us for believing the world can be a better place.

But don’t get it twisted, I feel the most sadness for the people who write clickbait stories about DEI being blamed for a tragic plane crash or wildfire. These claims are deeply unserious and I imagine these people are at best, uninformed; but likely, deeply unempathetic people. If you see a headline about DEI being blamed for something - you can probably skip it because true DEI simply isn’t newsworthy.

Rooting for the TikTok ban

I was excited for the TikTok ban to happen because of the impact that social media is having on us - especially younger people. But when people were downloading the Chinese TikTok 🤦🏻‍♂️ it was evident that banning one of the social media apps wasn’t going to matter. If they do ban it, people will move to Instagram, or Reddit, or Snapchat, or just make a new TikTok.

The irony of hating on social media is that yes, I worked at Facebook for a few years. But now that I’ve sold all of my employee Facebook stock and enriched myself personally, feel free to delete it 😇

In my defense, I joined Facebook a long time ago when Facebook was about fucking around with your friends. We hadn’t yet let Russians meddle in our democracy or devastated the self-esteem of teenage girls everywhere.

Erik is still a little slutface. Love you Erik!

When I speak to folks about digital wellness and implementing healthier digital habits, they tell me how hard it is. People are addicted to social media apps and, frankly, they’re lonely and ashamed to admit it what that means for themselves.

During my time at Facebook, we cared about growth - not your mental health. I don’t recall the mental health of our users ever being brought up. We were told we were making the world “more open and connected.” The algorithms are still meant to hook you. They promote content that blames DEI when a bridge collapses.

The more triggered you are, the more time you spend on the app, the more ads you see, the more profit they make — at the expense of your health and wellbeing. There’s a lot of profit in a dysregulated population. The companies that make antidepressants and ozempic are stoked to be profiting off of your dysregulated mind and body. Does that sound like a conspiracy theory to you? Or more like, an observation of the world around you?

I encourage you to reduce your usage, be mindful of how it’s impacting you, and feel empowered to control what media is put in front of you.

Photo Drop

1) WE'RE COSTCO GUYS 2) Bauerbottom is a top now?! 3) Adam's panipuri burst onto the scene at the Mission Dinner Clurb's Indian night 4) Remodel progress! And yes, this IS progress!