Set the Setting: January 2025
Meme Drop, Joshua Tree Trip Report, MAPS Playlist Collaborations, Catch me IRL in Las Vegas (16-20th), Photo Drop
Meme Drop
One of my favorite quotes is a Picasso quote: “everything you can imagine is real.” There’s a lot of room for interpretation. For me, it’s about the power of manifestation — that if I can imagine a reality for myself, I’ll actually start to take the steps to make it happen.
As a young, closeted teen, I imagined myself having a boyfriend one day. I also imagined getting a scholarship to college. In fact, I imagined each career move (from an actuary into the tech industry, then into DEI, then into psychedelics). Using my imagination as inspiration to take action is what made my life as magical as it is. So, I’ve chosen the verb “imagine” as my theme for 2025!
Joshua Tree Trip Report
There were a few reasons I wanted to go to Joshua Tree. I wanted to spend time with Eric and Brayton, I also wanted to take my first trip with Aaron, I also wanted to take advantage of cheap travel prices between Thanksgiving and Christmas. But the main reason was to do some acid and figure out… if I should stay or leave MAPS.
I know, I KNOW! Obviously, I’m not delulu enough to think that MAPS would be the last job I ever had. But also, I never imagined that a job could bring so much purpose and meaning to my life. So, my internal compass is spinning! This is going to be the hardest job to leave - I don’t want to leave - but the past few months since the August FDA decision has made my work life, and subsequently my life life, so turbulent.
For months, I kept telling myself - just make it to the end of the year in order to create some spaciousness to really think this through. After intention setting and lots of anticipation, I took one of my last unicorn (LSD) and embarked on a long hike through Joshua Tree National Park.
Eric, Brayton, Justin and Ryan went pretty far ahead; I could hear them thoroughly enjoying the day and was delighted to hear their laughter echo in the distance. Aaron walked behind me, carrying the backpack of water and snacks, keeping track of the group ahead, and consciously giving me the space to be in my thoughts.
As the rocks and trees started to wave back at me, the colors and contrast of my vision pulsed, I asked myself aloud “how are you doing, Steven?” Instinctually, I already knew the answer: sad! So fucking sad. And exhausted of trying to put on a brave face.
The second half of 2024 was supposed to be a victory lap! MDMA would have been automatically re-scheduled by the DEA upon approval of our New Drug Application. My vision of using MDMA as a tool for social justice was tabled. Relief from the pain and misery of PTSD would be on its way people and their families. But no, none of that happened. Instead, I would be taking on the roles of multiple teammates that were laid off - and there certainly isn’t money to go around to bump up my compensation to do all this work. No more work trips to music festivals. No more work trips, period. Just grinding; unrelenting pressure to figure out how to keep the wheels from flying off.
I let myself grieve for the first hour of that hike. I didn’t try to “look at the bright side,” “stay positive,” “practice gratitude,” or any of the strategies I used to get past the drudgery of the past few months. I sulked and bore witness to the disappearing vision of what MDMA “could have been” in 2025.
I resisted the deep urge to “problem-solve” my sadness that day. But, I did ultimately get a sense of relief, probably from the physical exertion of the hike, the natural beauty of the landscape, and the safety I felt from understanding and compassionate friends. I used MDMA to grieve my Grandpa’s passing in May, and ketamine to grieve Scot’s death in July; so it was only fitting that LSD also led to a grieving moment this year.
By the end of the 3 hour hike, I was at the peak of my trip. Surrounded by love and nature, I had this emo thought of “there can be such beauty in sadness.” And then I was like… “does that make sense or am I just tripping dick right now?” Well, it would be something I would take with me to integrate later!
MAPS Playlist Collaborations
MAPS recently announced our Music is the Bridge project - where we asked celebrities to curate psychedelic playlists that go with our Integration Workbook & Resources. (If you don’t know what psychedelic integration is - just click on the link!)
I’ve been utilizing these playlists in combination with our integration workbook to integrate the experiences of my acid trip and imagine (see what I did there) what 2025 could bring. My favorite playlists from the initial release have been CloZee, Brandon Boyd (of Incubus), Melissa Etheridge, and Lil Yachty. Each is distinctly psychedelic and totally unexpected. Enjoy!
In the days and weeks after my Joshua Tree trip, I’ve focused on the feelings of sadness and let them pass (like visitors… just passing through). One of my aha moments was that in order for me to have actualized all of the wonderful things in my life, I have had to let go of something safe and familiar. Coming out of the closet - letting go of attachment to heteronormativity. Going to college across the country - letting go of familiarity. Working in psychedelics - letting go of the safety of career progression and tech salary. I can think of dozens of examples in my life where letting go, even when it’s scary, ultimately led to the next beautiful thing in my life. And if I had clung on to whatever was safe/familiar… who knows?! No offense to the insurance actuaries out there - but yeah, not for me.
I can say that I’ve let go of what I hoped 2024 would be. I’m in the process of letting go of my need to cling on to MAPS, though I’m not going to walk away without a fight. Writing this blog is helping immensely, quite honestly. I’m letting go of expectations — and imagining instead. In aspects of my career, my love life (exploring polyamory), my home, my health — I’m imagining what could be! Because, everything I can imagine is real.
Check out the playlists and sign up for new artist drops and integration resources at our Music is the Bridge homepage. You also support me by repping a Set the Setting t-shirt! Very demure.
Catch me IRL in Las Vegas (Jan 17-21)
I’m starting off this year by competing in the Sin City Classic, a gay tennis tournament in Las Vegas. I’m in the draw for singles and doubles (with Lex!). Did you even know there was such a thing as gay adult league tennis? Now you know. You probably wouldn’t even know it was a gay tournament until you hear one of the cheers (e.g. Ace! Ace! Sit on his face!)
I was resistant to the idea of gay tennis leagues at first. I played in college, I’m still pretty fierce on the court, and besides - not everything in my life needs to be gay. But truthfully the quality of competition is just as good in the gay leagues as the normie leagues and the outfits are cuter. So… why not?
If you’re in Las Vegas, come watch me destroy some bussy at the Darling Tennis Center. And when I’m putting away volleys/overheads, the appropriate cheer is “PUNCH THAT HOLE!”
Photo Drop
