Set the Setting: March 2025
Meme drop, Catch me IRL at Transform (Las Vegas), Set the Setting Playlist: 38 Remixes, "So, What are you looking for?", Grief is an honest emotion, Photo drop
Meme Drop
Nothing about meditation has ever felt “easy” to me! Many times in my life, I’ve attempted to build a regular meditation practice as a means of exploring a deeper level of consciousness. But to no avail.
This month, I’m going to take another crack at it by attending my first yoga and meditation retreat at this center for hippies that Mike recommended. It’s centered around the theme “How to Know and Trust Your Inner Guidance” which sounds like exactly what I need as I embark on my 38th solar return.
I’m attracted to the belief that life can be easeful, rather than a never-ending chase of external stimulation; and fulfilled, despite the inevitability of change. I’ve never identified with any particular religion, but in the past 3 years, have started to identify as spiritual. One of my intentions for this retreat is to explore and define what my spirituality means to me.
Catch me IRL at Transform (Las Vegas, 17-19th)
The day after I return from my retreat… I head back to Vegas, the most mindful place on Earth 😬
This will be my 5th year attending the Transform Conference, but the first time it falls over my birthday! I’ll be celebrating in style at the Awana Spa at Resorts World (thanks for the rec, Tawny!). The celebrations will continue through catching up with old friends, making news ones, attending some enlightening talks, eating great food on somebody else’s corporate card, and the closing party features a performance by… Timbaland! It will be so cringe and SO FUN!
More than ever, people are excited to learn about the growing intersection of psychedelics, leadership, coaching, and business. My session “Psychedelics in the C-Suite: A new frontier in leadership development” will be a kickoff for my refreshed website www.setthesetting.com to offer consultation for those seeking healing and purpose.
To all my Transform homies, I can’t wait to see you!
Set the Setting Playlist: 38 Remixes
Thank you everybody who sent me rave reviews from last year’s “37 Remixes” Bday playlist! It was such a success that I immediately started working on the “38 Remixes” playlist and I’m so stoked to unveil it.
This playlist has a remix’d song from each year of my life, starting in 1987, all the way to today. For months, I’ve been keeping an ear open for good remixes - and then googling the year it came out to see if I had logged a song for that year. To fill in the gaps, I’d google “best songs of xxxx year” and then try to find remixes that slapped.
Last year, I recommend listening in chronological order. This year, I recommend putting it on shuffle and trying to guess which year you’re listening to!
As you can imagine, I’ve been listening to lots and lots of remixes to put this together and I had this epiphany about why remixes resonate so much with me: remixes spark my imagination (my 2025 theme word!).
You start with a classic song that was constructed a certain way with a particular sound/vibe… and then you can imagine it in a completely different way. You can make the bass kick harder to enhance the energy, or, you can soften the vocals to evoke more feels. You can speed up the tempo, or, strip it down to focus on its core elements. You can twist the song into a new genre for a fresh take, you can combine two songs together for a clever mashup. You can add soul, you can turn heads, you can make it silly. All of these takes are in this playlist.
In music — and in life — there are so many different reinventions and realities available to you. Seemingly an unlimited amount. There’s a world in front of you that’s familiar — and there’s a completely different world if you care to change your point of view. I want to live my life like a remix; a little this and a little that and little bit of something you’ve never heard of before. Freeing oneself from societal boundaries and expectations can allow you to live life more authentically, or “on your own terms.”
You’ll recognize the songs but you won’t have heard of these remixes. Enjoy this 38 year journey of twists and turns; maybe afterwards you’ll be ready to remix an aspect of your own life 😉
“So, What are you looking for?”
Ahh, the age-old question. If you’ve been single for as long as I have, or really any amount of time, you’ve been asked this question. Same goes for any time you’ve thought about changing jobs — it’s the first question you answer on a date or interview. For as many times as I’ve been asked, I’m accepting that I still struggle to provide truthful answers.
My approach in life has been to stay open to surprises and opportunities; to sort of… not know. Like I just said, to live my life like an evolving playlist of remixes.
But now I’m wondering if there comes a time in your life (like… maybe when you’re around 38?), when you’re supposed to know some things with clarity. Not every thing, but am I doing myself a disservice by not bringing clarity to at least some things?
During an ayahuasca integration protocol 3 years ago, I was tasked with writing down a day in my life, 10 years in the future. I’ll spare you the whole vision (it’s quite long) but the type of clarity you can achieve from psychedelic-assisted therapy is profound.
So, I at least know one thing, which is how my day starts: I wake up next to my partner and my dog. I fart. And there is laughter.
That’s how my morning starts. Crystal clear. It doesn’t matter where I am. It doesn’t matter what the thread count of the sheets are. What matters is that there’s a moment of pure bliss, where I’m sandwiched between my partner and my dog. The dog is under the covers and I’m giving it belly scritches. And there’s a human pressed against my back and smooching my nape and whispering sweet/sexy somethings into my ear. In that stillness, I know that every challenging emotion I experience that lies ahead that day is completely surmountable.
I’m going to continue to make decisions that move me toward this vision. When I’m not honoring that vision, I am not living in integrity to myself or the person I’m dating.
Grief is an honest emotion
With that clarity, a budding romantic relationship came to a close. While it ended mutually and respectfully, my friends know that I’m a sensitive human. I tried to distract myself with work, which is my go-to activity to avoid facing difficult emotions.
But, I also got hurt on the professional front when a DEI client relationship of over 5 years came to a close (due in part to the DEI backlash and chilling effect we’re seeing in corporate America). This was my favorite client - ever. We practiced the type of DEI that I liked, that I was good at, that I was proud of. I know this was out of my control, but losing this client has hurt me more than I realized. It felt like a part of my identity is under attack.
My community of friends has been continuously rallying for me - and their supportive check-ins and platitudes are always there to lift my spirits. But this time it was Vicky who struck with me with her reflection: “Grief is an honest emotion.”
It’s so tempting to suppress grief or to counter it with gratitude about all of the good things in my life. That’s often what we’re told to do! But if you ignore the grief or rush through it, you might be missing out on an important lesson.
I’m not dwelling in the grief, rather, noticing the range of feelings beyond sadness. Sometimes there’s anger. Ooh, there’s a little guilt in there. Surprisingly with my romantic relationship ending, there was even a sense of relief that I reaffirmed my commitment to my future vision. All of these emotions are valid and deserve to be acknowledged; beyond the surface are layers of truth about yourself that grief, in its honesty, can be revealed.
A few friend shoutouts:
Teddy, who holds up a mirror so I can accept accountability for my own actions. Teddy serves tough love. He pokes and prods and it’s uncomfortable but you need someone like him in your orbit so you don’t skip over the hard part.
Phil, who I’m getting to know deeply since we met at a psychedelics conference. Phil caresses you with the right GIFs, allows you to be vulnerable through deep listening, and reaffirms you for just being you. Both Phil and another friend David called me… inspirational. That gave me the warm and fuzzies.
Lex, who made sure to visit me in person, to just let me be miserable and mopey with him for a few hours.
Wanna feel into your grief? Check out these songs in the Set the Setting: 38 Remixes playlist:
The song Children by Robert Miles (from 1995) was meant to calm ravers before they drove home. Post-rave car accident deaths were making the headlines at the time.
The song Running to the Sea by Röyksopp (from 2013) is about the Utøya massacre in Norway. Now that you know that… try not crying to that remix by Seven Lions.
The remix of Where are ü now (from 2015) is obviously about grief but hits different with a female vocalist in place of Justin Bieber in the Ember Island remix.
Photo Drop
Tell Tawny I say hi, I missed her majesticness
I can’t sit still to save my life 😆 moving meditation is my go-to. Also, take me with you to this spa. I am also drowning myself with work 😑😩 I’ll scream with you on some mountain top. Ohh… the mirror, that explains my feeling with Teddy 😂