Set the Setting: October 2024

Meme Drop, Set the Setting Playlist: Simplify 2013, Am I... falling in love?, Laughing at myself, Catch me in IRL in Manila, Photo Drop

Meme Drop

I’m now approaching 18 months into my remodel, being out of my house, with my furniture, art and belongings in storage. I’ve come to the realization that… I don’t really miss any of it anymore. I feel enlightened! Simplification-nirvana.

I think I’ve pinpointed a learning that has made it click: I better understand the distinction between “budgeting” and “simplifying” my life. In an obvious sense, there is a strong correlation between the two. Anybody close to me knows that I have never been good at budgeting because if I see something that I like, I can always make a justification for buying it. Budgeting feels like depriving myself from things that I want. Whereas simplifying my life is reducing the amount of “want” - and when I reduce my “want” - I’m effortlessly saving a bunch of money!

The past 18 months, I’ve been forced to reduce my want (since I’m living in a sublet, I have no room to buy new things). I don’t want any plants that have needed to be watered or cared for. I don’t want any fancy clothes that need to be hand washed. A bar of soap works just as well as Aesop. It’s been a great reset button to my consumerist consciousness.

I’m not budgeting at the grocery store or on essential items - that feels constrictive. No single ply toilet paper in my life! I’m actually not budgeting much at all, simply reducing my “want.”

It’s going to feel like Christmas when I get to unbox all my forgotten furniture, art and belongings that I have in storage. If anything, I’m slightly worried that most of it won’t spark joy and I’ll just donate it away!

Set the Setting Playlist: Simplify 2013

Have you ever taken a really big pay cut before? It’s not fun. Generally - would not recommend. But on the flip side, if you are in a position to even consider taking a 40% pay cut to pursue something you’re passionate about, that you’re willing to sacrifice 40% of your paycheck…..right? If you have the opportunity, it probably means you are a fortunate and/or lucky motherfucker! This is how I justified stepping from the tech industry to non-profit; being grateful and blessed to be able to pursue meaningful work. It’s such a privilege.

Another reason I knew I’d be ok with making my 2013 salary is that, in 2013, life was reallll good. There were 5 of us living in a 2 bed / 1 bath and I felt like I had plenty of space. I lived with people that became my best friends. We threw epic house parties like the Lingerave. Life was simple; life was good. And if I could live a great life on that salary then, I can (and should) simplify my life and do it now.

Here’s a playlist of songs I was listening to in 2013. Putting it together brought me back to a simpler time; songs that I played on CDs in my car, songs I heard at my first EDC (when Circuit Grounds was a tent and the Basspod was a patch of dirt!), songs from Ruby Skye on Thursdays…. you get the gist:

Am I… falling in love?

Am I? Oh god, I don’t know, ok, I DON’T KNOW! It’s been a long time. It feels like I am though… perhaps at the very early stages of it? The last time I fell in love was, you guessed it, 2013.

I have to approach this really carefully because I’m such a romantic person - it’s a double edged sword. The prospect of being loved is so tantalizing, so irresistible… that I can get ahead myself and do the whole self-sabotage thing. So I’m moving consciously, opening up slowly, and making sure the fit feels mutual. We have a lot of shared interests, which is great. I’m fully aware that shared interests are not as important as shared values, but the shared interests have made it easy to find reasons to hang out.

Last weekend, we went to Portola Music Festival and that’s when I was like… damn I’m falling pretty hard. For me, the most important relationship test is… are we rave compatible? He passed with flying colors. I took my favorite LSD (unicorn) and it made everything extra sparkly, silly and joyful. Holding hands while navigating a crowd made me feel safe. Sharing meals and sipping on his camelback made me feel nourished. If you’ve ever had a rave bae, you know the feeling.

We danced, laughed, got lost in each other’s eyes, made compromises, met friends, took care of each other’s needs, made out (A LOT), and crawled up Potrero Hill to get an uber home. Raving is quite a test - physically, mentally, spiritually - so the fact that we crushed Portola, together, proved that we have strong relationship potential.

Getting into bed, exhausted, snuggled in each other’s arms. It was the most perfectly romantic moment. But also, I realized that eating random greasy festival food all day had made me suuuper gassy. Oh no… oh no, the stomach cramps were rough. I knew what I had to do…….

And he didn’t even flinch. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

We’re poly (and he’s bi), so you know, we’re also navigating partners, communication styles, calendars, all that jazz. I’ve fully accepted that it might be temporary, too. I’m cherishing it for what it is right now. For all of my friends that have been listening to the past 7 years of “Steven’s trials and tribulations of dating,” this is pretty exciting stuff, right?

Laughing at myself

I’ve lived in SF for 13 years now - I’ve known about Kabuki Springs for most of it - I love spas - and it’s walking distance from my house. And yet, I just went for the first time this past month!

Kabuki Springs is a quiet spa: no talking allowed, super serene, very peaceful. But of course, Taylor and I smoked a joint beforehand (one of the keef-rolled ones - damnit) so people are trying to relax while I am getting slapped around with a case of the giggles. I’m covering my face, trying to stop laughing but I can’t! And at some point I forgot what I was laughing about originally and now I’m laughing at the fact that I’m laughing in this quiet spa.

I got similarly hit with the giggles during my mushroom ceremony at Ceremonia earlier this year. And I also laughed a ton during my ayahuasca retreat - it’s one of the “forms” of my purge. I’m starting to notice a trend, here!

Upon reflection, I think the lesson is that I often take life too seriously. It’s a feeling that I haven’t been able to shake. I feel responsible for my impact on the world (why I was a vegetarian so long). I feel responsible for the privilege I have (why I felt compelled to do DEI work). It’s actually not a healthy thing - to take life too seriously. It’s probably elevated my baseline cortisol levels. Psychedelics teach and remind me to laugh at myself. Life doesn’t have to be that serious - not all the time.

Catch me IRL in Manila, October 17-22

Long shot, but is anybody going to be in Manila that weekend? I’m going to pop over for a consulting gig. It’s silly; it’s not exactly “simplifying” my life, but I rarely pass up opportunities to earn supplemental income now. Send me a message if you have any recommendations:

Photo Drop

1) I went on my first motorcycle ride! 2) Bauer loves his bully sticks 3) Mia making friends - she's looking for food let's be real 4) My entry in this month's Mission Dinner Club -- hasselback potatoes! I didn't win, but they were still delicious!